Visit Tasha's Web site

Visit Laura's Web site

Visit Regina's Web site

Visit Diana's Web site

Visit Sara's Web site

  • Laurie R. King -- Mutterings
  • Murderati
  • Alexandra Sokoloff
  • Murder She Writes
  • Tess Gerritsen
  • The Outfit
  • Rosett Writes Blog
  • The Sphere
  • The Girl Detective Blog
  • Julia Buckley
  • Anatomy of a Book Deal
  • Confessions of an Idiosyncratic Mind
  • A Dark Planet
  • J.T. Ellison
  • Contemporary Nomad
  • Amelia Peabody
  • Killer Year
  • What Fresh Hell is This?
  • Cozy Chicks Blog
  • Southern Comfort
  • The Lipstick Chronicles
  • Tim Maleeny
  • Elizabeth Peters
  • The Little Blog of Murder
  • A Newbie's Guide to Publishing
  • Grace Notes
  • Naked Authors
  • Surrounded on Three Sides
  • Loading ... Loading ...
    Polls Archive

    • Mar 31 - Sara signs STAYING HOME at 2 p.m. at B&N in Amarillo, Tx. (28 days)
    • May 4 - Malice Domestic (62 days)
    Design by
    DreamForge Media

    RSS 2.0
    Comments RSS 2.0
    Valid XHTML

Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Woman for Sale…Cheap

Regina Harvey Icon

I’ve been hiding out this week. It’s not that I feel left out of the preparations for Bouchercon…sigh. Not that at all. Because I’ve been making my own preparations for Bouchercon. I’ve been creating the Ultimate Two-Dimensional Woman - a cardboard cut-out of moi, complete with talking sound buttons that say…well, you’ll have to come to the Writers Unwrapped panel to find out what they say. Rest assured that it’s more interesting than “Math is hard.”

I’m a crafty gal. I have an “art room” in my basement that, whether or not it looks like a Michaels store after Katrina, has been home to many a creative project. So, you would think that I know what I’m doing when I plan on making the Ultimate Two-Dimensional Woman. Little did I know that, at the end of this project, I would end up with the Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Woman before I got it right.

Because in my art room, next to the lovely Ultimate Two-Dimensional Woman that will be attending Bouchercon, taking up way too much room on my ancient swivel chair, sits a “Heidi” way, way larger than life-size.

How did this happen? What could have gone wrong to cause this disaster in Marketing Eugenics 101? What to do with the way, way larger-than-life “Author in the Act of Shushing Like a Rather Sexy Librarian?” that now faces euthanasia since she is…uh…way, way larger than life and kind of scaring the children?

First things first. How did this happen? What went wrong? Ah, yet another thing I can blame on my husband. I sent him out to get a poster-sized version of moi for the aforementioned project. “About life-size,” I instructed. Apparently, I loom larger in his mind than I knew. He returned with a 3 foot by 4 foot poster of my Good Girls photo. 3 foot by 4 foot. Needless to say, I sent him out again.

So, what to do with this 3 foot by 4 foot Amazon woman? I’m a kindly person, so I decided, rather than face The Recycler, she should be given a new home.

Here’s the deal. Answer the following “Care and Feeding of the Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Heidi” quiz and, from those who email me ( at ) with the correct answers, I will choose a winner, who will receive (rolled up in a packing tube for the journey) said Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Heidi to…uh…do with what they wish. (Answers can be scavenged by visiting my website).

Official Care and Feeding of the Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Heidi Quiz

1. On what greatest of UK crime writing websites can one find Heidi’s Regina Harvey short story, “Catch Me Waiting?”
2. Where was Heidi married?
3. Name of the McLean Jacobson protagonist who swears in Russian?

And just to keep things interesting in the comments section - What posters did you have on your bedroom wall? As a pre-teen? As a teen? In College? And/or in your First-Horrible-Apartment-With-Inconsiderate-Roommate? How about now?

For me, the answers are:
Pre-teen - Tear-outs from Tiger Beat of Shaun Cassidy (my older sister was into David - blech!)
Teen - some air-brushed vamp with half her face missing.
College - Elvis Costello screaming.
First-Horrible-Apartment-With-Inconsiderate-Roommate - The awesome Maxell Tape guy sitting in the post-modern black leather and chrome chair, in front of his speakers, with his hair blowing back. Remember him?
Now - we haven’t gotten around to decorating the bedroom yet. Propped on my bedside table is a Felicia Belair Rigdon mixed-media collage of a headless doll and tree branches.

So, have at it. Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Heidi needs a good home.

6 Responses to “Ultimate Amazon Two-Dimensional Woman for Sale…Cheap”

  1. That is why I don’t do crafts! My two dimensional cut-out wouldn’t even resemble me.

    It’s prize week on the GG blog. Why didn’t I get the memo? :)

    Anyway, I’ll answer the quiz shortly. As for the poster survey:
    pre-teen–drawings I did of flowers. I thought I was so artsy.
    teen–Top Gun, college/first apartment–travel posters. I felt so sophisticated!

    by Sara Rosett on September 21st, 2006 at 9:01 am

  2. Apparently (yikes) my website is down at the moment. Soooo, here are some clues.

    1)google “catch me waiting”

    2)western city starts with “El” in the “yellow rose” state.

    3)Acronym for state universities of New York + city in CA with the highest per capita bicycle ownership (and a state university too).

    by Heidi Vornbrock Roosa on September 21st, 2006 at 9:14 am

  3. Heidi,

    Can’t wait to see the cut-out. And push the button! I’m laughing already just imagining what you’ll say.

    by Laura on September 21st, 2006 at 3:54 pm

  4. What posters did you have on your bedroom wall? As a pre-teen?

    As a teen? Scott Baio and Clark Brandon

    In College? Bon Jovi and Journey

    And/or in your First-Horrible-Apartment-With-Inconsiderate-Roommate? How about now? The Soloflex man…sitting on that damn workout machine i his little gray shorts.

    by Karen Syed @ Echelon Press on September 21st, 2006 at 7:42 pm

  5. Heidi, that’s SO FUNNY!

    Let’s see…posters. Beatles, Beatles, Beatles–and then straight to antique prints with frames and everything. However I have never outgrown my habit of cutting out magazine photos of shapely females and taping them to the fridge door. Nor does Mr. Thrilling seem to have a problem with this.

    by Diana Killian on September 24th, 2006 at 6:10 pm

  6. Thanks for the mention- I was sufing and you appeared==This is bizaar.

    by felicia on February 1st, 2007 at 3:21 pm

Leave a Reply